I'd like to think I know people pretty well. I have always had incredibly strong intuition, and I sincerely try to listen to people without judgement. Throughout my life, people have seemed to open up around me. I've been told that I'm easy to talk to about very personal things, and I get asked for advice on the daily. I try to be as fair and open minded with my advice, and have learned so many useful things about human behavior. I'm sure that being a hairdresser, has helped my clients/friends put their walls down and share their personal struggles with me. Plus, there's just something about getting your hair done that makes you open up. Who needs a therapist when you can get your therapy session in, AND get your hair done at the same time?! I am definitely a hair-apist... I know a lot of personal things, carry a lot of peoples' secrets, and hear some crazy stuff on the daily!
There's been a topic brought up on multiple occasions throughout my adult life, and a few days ago I had a client at the salon ask me for my advice on it... He wanted to see if I thought his wife could be cheating on him. I'm not easily surprised by things, but this couple seemed super tight and I never thought this would be an issue with them. But people change, and I guess it goes to show that you can never truly know someone. I listened to the signs he's been observing from her, then let him in on a few more indicators that really surprised him, and obviously hit home. It was pretty sad to see him in such shock. I never want my clients leaving the salon feeling uncertain or upset, but I was glad to share some knowledge that may have opened his eyes a little more to the situation. I am obviously not a licensed professional, nor do I pretend to be. I do however have a LOT of random useless knowledge, I research everything and anything that fascinates me(mostly human behavior), and as stated before, I have pretty good intuition. Lately I've been hearing about quite a few people having trust issues with their spouse, so I decided to blog-post about some signs. Of course all relationships are different, so this may be a little generalized. So, if you, or anyone in your life is wondering if their spouse is into someone else(or will be soon), I'm going to list some of the basic indicators. Keep in mind that these signs are not all proof of a cheating spouse, just indicators that your relationship may be heading down the wrong path...
There's been a topic brought up on multiple occasions throughout my adult life, and a few days ago I had a client at the salon ask me for my advice on it... He wanted to see if I thought his wife could be cheating on him. I'm not easily surprised by things, but this couple seemed super tight and I never thought this would be an issue with them. But people change, and I guess it goes to show that you can never truly know someone. I listened to the signs he's been observing from her, then let him in on a few more indicators that really surprised him, and obviously hit home. It was pretty sad to see him in such shock. I never want my clients leaving the salon feeling uncertain or upset, but I was glad to share some knowledge that may have opened his eyes a little more to the situation. I am obviously not a licensed professional, nor do I pretend to be. I do however have a LOT of random useless knowledge, I research everything and anything that fascinates me(mostly human behavior), and as stated before, I have pretty good intuition. Lately I've been hearing about quite a few people having trust issues with their spouse, so I decided to blog-post about some signs. Of course all relationships are different, so this may be a little generalized. So, if you, or anyone in your life is wondering if their spouse is into someone else(or will be soon), I'm going to list some of the basic indicators. Keep in mind that these signs are not all proof of a cheating spouse, just indicators that your relationship may be heading down the wrong path...
Gut Instinct: This is usually the first indicator that something is suspicious. It may make you feel paranoid and crazy, suddenly turning a confident and trusting person, into a jealous one. You might begin to start doubting your own feelings, and the attempts to ignore or push them aside will not work. You may be accused of being insecure and made to feel guilty for having any doubt in your spouse. If that gut feeling keeps coming back, it's something that shouldn't be ignored.
Change in Spouse's Appearance: If your spouse starts taking a renewed interest in their appearance, purchasing a considerable amount of clothing and accessories, dressing differently, changing their hairstyle, working out a lot more than usual, wearing more makeup, getting their nails done, tanning, different cologne or perfume, showering and shaving more than usual, ect... you get the idea. If there aren't any of the other indicators that coincide with a change in appearance, it is very possible that they just want to start feeling better about themselves. Use that "gut" instinct though, because it could be something more...
Secretive or Excessive Phone/Internet Use : A lot of the time, affairs start as playful texting, or messaging on the Internet. If you notice a significant increase in social media use, an increase in the amount of texting, or even secret email accounts, it could definitely signify a problem. There is no reason in a trusting relationship that someone should be deleting messages, texts, or phone calls from their logs. If your spouse suddenly won't let their phone out of sight(even bringing it to the bathroom, or hiding it while showering or sleeping), always turning the computer away, and closing the browser when you walk in, turning the phone screen away from you or facing it down when you're around is NOT a good sign.
Mood and Verbal Cues: This is a tricky one. A change in mood and verbal behavior could go both ways. If you know your spouse very well, you'll be likely to notice a change. Your spouse might have a glow about them that resembles the glow when you first started dating. You might notice your spouse in "la-la land", stuck in their head and not listening to you. They may have a hard time remembering things you've said, and seem to be very distant. They are probably thinking about the "other person, or friend", and may bring them up randomly, multiple times throughout the day working them into random conversations. They will most likely justify that person is a "just a friend", and might even get defensive if confronted about the amount of time spent talking to/about them. If someone feels the need to justify a friendship in lengthy extent, a red flag should be popping up. If your spouse is usually sweet and attentive, they might start arguments for no reason, get defensive and angry with you, picking at all of your faults, trying to find ways to blame you for everything. They may even start to completely disconnect, ignore you, and get super lazy about their usual responsibilities around the house. If your spouse is typically a nonchalant type, they may start being overly-attentive, sweet and go out of their way to do things for you or give you gifts. They may feel the need to go into elaborate stories about where they've been, and who they've been with. Catching them in many little lies is almost always cause to believe there are bigger lies being covered up. There will always be a subconscious level of inconsistent behavior/mood change in an unfaithful spouse that you should be able to pick up.
Changes in Sexual Habits: This is simple. Even if it's not infidelity to blame, a change in your sexual habits should be cause for concern. Sex is a huge force of connection between couples, and without it, you can be left feeling disconnected, unwanted, and unattractive. If you and your spouse used to have sex regularly, but they started making up every excuse in the book to get out of it and your sex life seems to be non-existent, they may be getting it somewhere else. But on the other hand, if you notice your partner being highly attentive and sexual with you, and wanting to try new things. Possibly over-emphasizing how sexy or attractive you are, they might just want to spice up your sex life...or they could be learning new tricks for someone else. And over-compensating for their guilt, so you don't suspect anything.
Changes in Daily Routine: Suddenly working late, going to work early, or finding reasons to not go in at all(while you're at work). Spending more time with new friends away from you or your family, and finding reasons not to participate in family events or functions(they may be feeling guilty being around your family). The cheating spouse may pick up an extra hobby, interest, or music taste that they suddenly become preoccupied with. They might start using "I" , "me", or "mine", when referring to things that used to be, "us", "we", or "ours", and buy flashy items to show off to the other person.
I understand that crushes develop, and mistakes happen... but people should learn from those mistakes the first time. Your spouse should be open and honest with you, avoiding any activity that can cause you to experience doubt, suspicion or distrust. On a side note, people with specific personality disorders(sociopathic, bipolar, borderline, narcissistic) are 75% more likely to cheat on a spouse...PD's all have the increased characteristic of promiscuity ...there are so many signs and indicators that I didn't post, but honestly if you're thinking any of these signs sound familiar, there is obviously a lack of trust and communication in your relationship... I know the feeling has to be awful...the person you're supposed to trust the most is being sneaky and shady, then making you feel crazy for even thinking otherwise. But if your intuition and "gut" feeling just won't let up, it's time to move forward or move on. I would love to see your experiences, stories, signs, and any outside info about this subject! So please feel free to comment!
Change in Spouse's Appearance: If your spouse starts taking a renewed interest in their appearance, purchasing a considerable amount of clothing and accessories, dressing differently, changing their hairstyle, working out a lot more than usual, wearing more makeup, getting their nails done, tanning, different cologne or perfume, showering and shaving more than usual, ect... you get the idea. If there aren't any of the other indicators that coincide with a change in appearance, it is very possible that they just want to start feeling better about themselves. Use that "gut" instinct though, because it could be something more...
Secretive or Excessive Phone/Internet Use : A lot of the time, affairs start as playful texting, or messaging on the Internet. If you notice a significant increase in social media use, an increase in the amount of texting, or even secret email accounts, it could definitely signify a problem. There is no reason in a trusting relationship that someone should be deleting messages, texts, or phone calls from their logs. If your spouse suddenly won't let their phone out of sight(even bringing it to the bathroom, or hiding it while showering or sleeping), always turning the computer away, and closing the browser when you walk in, turning the phone screen away from you or facing it down when you're around is NOT a good sign.
Mood and Verbal Cues: This is a tricky one. A change in mood and verbal behavior could go both ways. If you know your spouse very well, you'll be likely to notice a change. Your spouse might have a glow about them that resembles the glow when you first started dating. You might notice your spouse in "la-la land", stuck in their head and not listening to you. They may have a hard time remembering things you've said, and seem to be very distant. They are probably thinking about the "other person, or friend", and may bring them up randomly, multiple times throughout the day working them into random conversations. They will most likely justify that person is a "just a friend", and might even get defensive if confronted about the amount of time spent talking to/about them. If someone feels the need to justify a friendship in lengthy extent, a red flag should be popping up. If your spouse is usually sweet and attentive, they might start arguments for no reason, get defensive and angry with you, picking at all of your faults, trying to find ways to blame you for everything. They may even start to completely disconnect, ignore you, and get super lazy about their usual responsibilities around the house. If your spouse is typically a nonchalant type, they may start being overly-attentive, sweet and go out of their way to do things for you or give you gifts. They may feel the need to go into elaborate stories about where they've been, and who they've been with. Catching them in many little lies is almost always cause to believe there are bigger lies being covered up. There will always be a subconscious level of inconsistent behavior/mood change in an unfaithful spouse that you should be able to pick up.
Changes in Sexual Habits: This is simple. Even if it's not infidelity to blame, a change in your sexual habits should be cause for concern. Sex is a huge force of connection between couples, and without it, you can be left feeling disconnected, unwanted, and unattractive. If you and your spouse used to have sex regularly, but they started making up every excuse in the book to get out of it and your sex life seems to be non-existent, they may be getting it somewhere else. But on the other hand, if you notice your partner being highly attentive and sexual with you, and wanting to try new things. Possibly over-emphasizing how sexy or attractive you are, they might just want to spice up your sex life...or they could be learning new tricks for someone else. And over-compensating for their guilt, so you don't suspect anything.
Changes in Daily Routine: Suddenly working late, going to work early, or finding reasons to not go in at all(while you're at work). Spending more time with new friends away from you or your family, and finding reasons not to participate in family events or functions(they may be feeling guilty being around your family). The cheating spouse may pick up an extra hobby, interest, or music taste that they suddenly become preoccupied with. They might start using "I" , "me", or "mine", when referring to things that used to be, "us", "we", or "ours", and buy flashy items to show off to the other person.
I understand that crushes develop, and mistakes happen... but people should learn from those mistakes the first time. Your spouse should be open and honest with you, avoiding any activity that can cause you to experience doubt, suspicion or distrust. On a side note, people with specific personality disorders(sociopathic, bipolar, borderline, narcissistic) are 75% more likely to cheat on a spouse...PD's all have the increased characteristic of promiscuity ...there are so many signs and indicators that I didn't post, but honestly if you're thinking any of these signs sound familiar, there is obviously a lack of trust and communication in your relationship... I know the feeling has to be awful...the person you're supposed to trust the most is being sneaky and shady, then making you feel crazy for even thinking otherwise. But if your intuition and "gut" feeling just won't let up, it's time to move forward or move on. I would love to see your experiences, stories, signs, and any outside info about this subject! So please feel free to comment!
